she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
