the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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