We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
