saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
