At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
