I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
