So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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