where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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