I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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