i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
