look no pants
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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