I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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