one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize