Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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