my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize