Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
