He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
