Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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