So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
