Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
