# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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