She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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