life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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