So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
