And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
