I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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