But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize