Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
