Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
