420 ftw
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have demons in me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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