yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize