dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
