either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm passing your future prison.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
