Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
