Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
