Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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