Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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