dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
