I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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