you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
