the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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