ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
