I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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