Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
