just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
