She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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