Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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