There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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