I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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