I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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