a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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