All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
