I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize