Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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