it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So vagazzling was a success
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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