The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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