To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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