Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
