peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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