im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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