I accidentally had phone sex last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
