Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
