Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
