Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
