Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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