I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
