how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
