Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
