You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
