i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
