I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
