just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
