plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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