Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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