shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
