I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
