Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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